Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ah, the Quadrennial Mating Ritual Commences

As we know, in life there are various rhythms and cycles upon which we learn to rely upon: the cycle of day and night, the four seasons, birth-life-reproduction-death, etc. One of those cycles endemic to the US is at hand: the electoral mating ritual. Of course the courtship only officially begins in January each Leap Year, but the suitors begin to woo their mates well before then. The mating calls range from stump speeches, to debates with rival suitors, to guest blogging appearances, to the obligatory interview on Larry King. Their partners in this courtship dance, having been ignored and disappointed for the previous three years are of course reluctant and even resistant at first. But, eventually, one by one, they give in once there is some indication that the Alpha Donkle has been chosen, or that such decision will be very shortly forthcoming. At that point, mating with the Alpha Donkle is considered preferable to the Alpha Gooper, and anyone in the flock still refusing the Alpha Donkle's mating call are swiftly ostracized as purists and accused of mating with the Alpha Gooper by default. Following the end of the ritual in November, the Alpha Donkle and rivals will quickly forget that they had even mated, and go back to their hovels in a wilderness called The Beltway to do whatever the hell it is that they do there (the rare outsider to try to witness this wilderness activity have inevitably been so traumatized as to render impossible an accurate reporting). Those who had fallen under the spell of the Alpha Donkle will soon return to their usual reluctant and resistant stance, bitterly cursing their decision to mate and vowing vehemently never to do so again; until of course, the next Leap Year...

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